Bin Laden's Ex-Bodyguard Predicts the Sequel, with a Smile - 1:18 p.m.

Who knows if the story about Osama escaping the US military on the back of a scooter is true or not - probably not, but it makes for a funny visual. Abu Jandal said the closest the US has come to killing Osama was during Bill Clinton's term, before 9/11. In August 1998 Clinton authorized the bombing of suspected Al-Qaeda training camps in Afghanistan and Sudan, in retaliation for the bombing of two US embassies earlier that month.

It was believed that Osama was kicking back at one of the camps, enjoying the life of a man with a mission and goals. Abu Jandal said they weren't at the camps; a split second decision may have saved their lives. They were on the road the night before the bombing, "There was a fork in the road," remembers Abu Jandal, "one road leading to Khost and the training camps and another one leading to Kabul. I was with Sheik Osama in the same vehicle with three guards…he turned to us and said, 'Khost or Kabul?' We told him, 'Let's just visit Kabul.' Sheik Osama said, 'OK, Kabul.'

Jandal says there is no Dead or Alive option, Osama orders his bodyguards to kill him if he gets in a jam. He has no desire to be pulled out of a spider hole with a dusty beard, dazed and confused, having his cavities scraped out on worldwide television. That's why Saddam gets so angry when he goes to Iraq's Lego court? He's not forgiving anyone for that embarrassment. Although it's true, he does like Doritos.

The obvious question, 'My man, where is Osama?' First things first, Jandal says Osama doesn't have a kidney problem. "That's nonsense, " he said. "The only problem Sheik Osama suffered from is with his vocal chords. He was affected by missiles that contained some chemicals during the jihad against the Soviets. Only his vocal chords were affected."

Second, don't bother looking for him in Pakistan. Jandal says there are some loyal Jihadists in that country, but not so loyal that a few bucks won't have them turning Sammy the Bull... "they are capable of selling information for nothing." Abu Jandal believes Osama is still in Afghanistan. My guess is he could give you the street address, cave number, and what ringtone is on his cell.

After the U.S.S. Cole bombing in 2000, Abu Jandal was captured and detained by the US government for 2 years. As part of a release agreement with the US, he must stay in Yemen. You know, we'll let you go, just don't hang out with those guys anymore. Is it not insane that people in this country, like Jose Padilla can be locked up indefinitely for suspected terrorist activity, but here we have Osama's personal bodyguard and he's allowed to walk away. The guy is giving an interview to 60 Minutes. Maybe he's one of those people who sold out, actually working with the US on some rat business.

If so he's doing a great cover job.

In the interview he says his reverence for Osama hasn't dimmed over the years. He tells 60 Minutes he wishes he could still be with Osama, and adds (I mean you hope this is part of an act) that he has a son who he hopes will carry out what he couldn't complete. "I have great hopes for him and pray to God that he will finish what his father was unable to finish. Frankly, I hope that my son gets killed and becomes a martyr for the sake of God almighty."

*Okay. Thanks that was great.* Jandal shakes hands with the interviewer, walks down the hallway, 2 minutes later Bush and the boys step in, "Hey, where did he go? I wanted to invite him over for dinner."