Five Reasons Why The VMA’s Sucked (and Didn’t.) Let Me Count The Ways

The MTV Video Music Awards had a number of problems..

1. Britney Spears

Can this even be called a performance? It was a complete joke. She strolled around the stage like it was a walkthrough rehearsal. I’m waiting and waiting for her to suddenly explode into her act. You know, thinking this can’t possibly be her show.

Now we’re into the second chorus.. it’s clear THIS is IT. . like Rihanna..

That’s when the laughing began.. across the country.

It’s over. And it’s sad. Remember this girl was the idol of millions of suburban teenie boppers. Then she decided to grow up and the way she defined ‘grown’ meant: ingesting burgers and cherry sodas every day, got her a Fed thug and some kiddies, said the way her body looked wasn’t important to her career.. you know, she’ll shake a momma belly on stage.

OK she didn’t have that much of a stomach considering she just popped out two kids, but she didn’t need to sport that thing bare and ‘momma belly’ is just fun to say.

2. Sarah Silverman

As shockingly ridiculous as Britney Spears was, Sarah Silverman is someone I fucking can’t stand. She stands in front of these celebrity audiences and hurls the type of vicious slams you usually only see in blog comments or during roasts. It’s like her thing is I’m so bold I’ll rip you to your face. Chris Rock did the celeb slap once before at the VMA’s, but not to the gutter level that she takes it. It’s not impressive. It’s comes off as just mean.

Last time it was Paris Hilton.

Here she does her little Britney’s cute mistakes from their mothers hairless vagina joke. And follows it with a demonstration.. “they’re this cute you guys.”

*Feel free to make that your avatar *

Oh.. I laugh at the sickest shit, in another setting this might have been funny, but it was just tasteless and inappropriate for an award show.

But VMA’s cut her a check.. why it sucked no.2

3. Lip Syncing

The young wonder, Chris Brown got his lip sync on hard. No knock on him, because I like Chris Brown, but his performance reminded me of a high school talent show. You know, when someone dances to the hits. That’s what he did, showed off his dance moves while lip syncing just a little.. because there was more dancing than singing.

Maybe that was the point, but when he was ‘singing’ his lips weren’t tracking the vocals - it looked a little Hong Kong Fuey-ish

Before the CB fans light me on fire. I like Chris Brown - see - his dance routine was great.

This is really about lip syncing in general.

Whether dictated by the show’s producers or by artist request, it’s a little lame. Isn’t a singer’s job to sing? And if they can’t.. hop off stage or stop singing *break* in order to dance.

Milli Vanilli needs to make a comeback. (Yeah from the grave )

In July 1989, during a live performance recorded by MTV at the Lake Compounce theme park in Bristol, Connecticut, the recording of the song “Girl You Know It’s True” jammed and began to skip, repeating the partial line “Girl, you know it’s-” over and over. According to the premiere episode of VH1’s Behind the Music which profiled Milli Vanilli, fans attending the concert didn’t seem to notice or even care and the concert continued as if nothing had happened, but critics did notice and savaged Rob and Fab in their concert reviews. - wikipedia

4. Mary J Blige Gives the Phantom Award to Dr. Dre

So Mary J Blige walks on stage, looking like the queen of the female young singer thing that she is. Let’s be real though, it’s bewildering that after all these years she still can’t deliver a speech without tripping over the words. She gets nervous every time. It felt like people were gonna start clapping.. air hugging.. to help her get through the speech.

Which was about the greatest producer of our time. The man who made it possible in so many ways for all the artists in the room to get to where they are now. Stand up. It’s the man of the hour. The genius of our times.. Dr. Dre!

Dre walks out and from Mary’s introduction I expected that he’d be wrapping his hands around some kind of special, lifetime of achievement Moonman. Nope. Dre says what’s up, mentions Detox is coming and proceeds to announce the nominees for video of the year.

So all that talk of his greatness was just to say he was in the house?

*Foot to ass!* Who thought that was necessary?

5. Kid Rock and Tommy Lee Fight

Sometimes bad means good. That’s the case here.

What/who were they fighting over Pamela Lee? Whatever the reason it made way for Jamie Foxx and Diddy to make great white people are fighting too jokes.

You know which ones..

“Stop all of this white on white crime. Tommy Lee and Kid Rock fighting like black folks. It’s hilarious. Who won? I was in the bathroom.”

“I’m supposed to be up here with my man Kid Rock but we gotta stop the violence in Rock and Roll. [laughs] It’s not just the hip-hop artists that sometimes have problems.”

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Not for nothing the VMA’s weren’t all that bad. Purge the as mentioned miscues (or just overlook them) and it was a semi-enjoyable show. At first the idea of flipping between parties for the takeover the hotel/viewer v.i.p. for a night theme seemed silly, but somewhere along the way it started making sense.

Because of that back and forth the show never slowed up, and it had its good moments: Kanye’s “Good Life” performance, Timbaland’s close, Foo Fighters, T.I., Gym Class Heroes, Lil Wayne’s freestyle, the cut to ‘Soulja Boy Crank Dat”.. Wow is that an annoying piece of drivel.. but it fit the show as it’s the ringtone/someone loves it hit of the moment.

I honestly liked the VMA’s way more than this year’s BET Awards. And THAT is not the norm. 

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