JB Smoove on Winning Elections: Slinging Mud and Dumb Ugly People
You should know JB Smoove from his long days on the stand-up comedy circuit. Most recently JB and Vivica Fox were cast as The Blacks on HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm. What could have been one scene, turned into a season long adventure. Whether it was Vivica bringing the cake or JB teaching Larry the fine art of ass-kicking, The Blacks kept it raw.
In the new Mean magazine, JB talks politics, his-style - “If I Ruled the World.”
The question.. Would you do whatever it takes to win?
Hell yeah!!! These cats will do anything to win!
If I was running I’d do damn near what I gotta do to win that damn election, man. I’m a mudslinger, man. I believe in slinging that mud! You know what that means? If I find out something about you, I’m gonna lay it out there! I’m gonna compare you, to me. I’m gonna go for mine and tell the nation who you really are. If you got gay tendencies, I’m gonna lay it out there.
I’ll say, “Look, I’m straight, he’s not!” I got gay friends, I don’t mind! The nation needs to know who you really are and who you’re hiding behind. If the other guy went in the bathroom and he’s clicking heels under the door and everybody knows, I don’t want to find out after the fact! I want to find out who you are before we start running for office.
Do you wear thongs? Are you an old man who wears thongs? What is under your trousers? Are you wearin’ thongs, man? Don’t be lyin’ to people.
Those dumb people?..
If you’re trying to get elected and you’re dumb, you’re dumb!
Tell the nation, “Look, I’m dumb! I’m dumb as hell. I’m running the dumb ass campaign and I’m running on the dumb ass platform.”
Know your platform and audience, because that’s who you want to vote for you. If you’re a dumb ass president, dumb ass people will vote for you! If you’re a smart president, you’re gonna pull smart people. In the last two elections, the dumb people took over!
The dumb people are populatin’ the world, man!
Dumb people are normally some ugly ass people too! Dumb people don’t look good normally. There are a few exceptions here and there. Dumb people are generally not good looking.
We gotta get back on the handsome campaign, again!
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