September 1, 2006
MTV VMA's 2006
The MTV VMA pre-show opened with the first lady of the hip-hop quartet, The Black Eyed Peas. She was introduced by her group members and came out in a white horse-drawn carriage and performed her single, "London Bridge". She was wearing a pair of tiny plaid shorts, a white button down long sleeve shirt, which was butchered in an odd way that left most of her stomach showing, while still being long in the back. She looked like Gwen Stefani in 1996. Seriously. Her performance was good. She performed on the red carpet, which was like a mile wide and extraordinarily long. She also had a group of black and Hispanic girls dancing with her, which for what it's worth looked like the urban version of Gwen Stefani's Japanese Harajuku girls. All in all it was a good performance and a good way to open the pre-show.
Luda arrived in a suit. He looked nice. The pants were black, the jacket white, and he had a sweater and shirt underneath. I love to see rappers looking like adults. He cut his hair a while ago and while that's cool, his haircut is so very country. Too high on the top, faded on the sides and in the back. That might be popular where he lives, but I hate it. He proclaimed his new album will be a classic, so whenever it comes out, be sure to cop it. Or not.
MTV personality John Norris, who must be all of 115 years old had the audacity to die his hair bright orange and it looks ridiculous. I'm almost positive that is not the hue that he was going for, but the end result looks like a part of a Halloween costume.
Colombian singer Shakira arrived fully clothed in a long black dress. She looked nice. She was interviewed entirely too long for a person whose second language is English. She sounded very confused and her English was more broken than usual. It was very trying not to turn the channel at this point. I like Shakira, so I stuck it out.
T.I. arrived looking very regular in jeans. When asked about the other artists nominated in the same category as himself, he gave them a lot of credit for being good competition. He also mentioned being excited to be at his first VMAs. I thought that was cute. He is working on a new movie and has a production company called Grand Hustle Films and he says their first movie will be out soon. The movie may go straight to DVD, but he sounds like he is really trying to do big things, so good for him.
I must also say that I actually understood every word T.I. said. For the longest time I was under the impression that he was from a small European nation, because I could not understand anything he was saying. I know people from the ATL and none of them have the accent T.I. has. I think he must have gotten a dialect coach or something.
MTV personality Suchin Pak looked the worst of all the MTV people. She had on this gold/bronze dress and it was like a fashion faux pax from the 80's. In my opinion it was a horrible eye sore and she should not have been allowed to wear it during a live televised show.
Bad Boy rapper Young Joc and Cash Money rapper Lil Wayne were interviewed on the red carpet together. Wayne was all blinged out and his "father" Baby played the back, standing behind Wayne not saying anything until he was asked, which is different, but very good. Wayne said that he hoped Joc won the award that he and Joc were both nominated for.
Yung Joc had on a white suit or something. The jacket was white with this big light blue print on the front and the back. For my "Project Runway" watchers, it looked exactly like the outfit Kayne made on the last episode, only in white. It was a travesty and I don't know who told him it was hot.
Pharrell arrived on the red carpet with his partner Niko, the Japanese man who owns and created the A Bathing Ape(BAPE) clothing line. He was like a shorter, Japanese version of Pharrell, if you can imagine a man being shorter than Pharrell. They both had on t-shirts, jean shorts, probably BAPE sneakers, a red fitted, and ugly gaudy jewelry. Niko actually had the biggest most ridiculous dollar sign medallion on his chain. It was too much.
It was green diamonds and I'm sure some people think it's hot. I, however, am not one of those people.
Bad Boy artist Cassie arrived on the red carpet. She's a very pretty girl, but she has got to be the dumbest, and least talented of all the dumb, non-talented girls in r&b right now. She sucks and I see her fading fast. She can't sing or dance and pretty is going to get her but so far. Christina Milian is pretty, and she's without a record deal and is currently selling her clothes on E-Bay, but that's a story for another time.
Cassie's dress and shoes were nice, but she had a cold sore or something on her lip, which is none too surprising being that this is the girl whose first single is about giving blow jobs to a bunch of guys. This girl is a sad mess. I reiterate, Cassie sucks.
Chris Brown needs to fire his stylist and that's about all I want to say about him. He was interviewed along with reggaton artist Daddy Yankee. Sway took this time out to mention that MTV will be launching, if they haven't already, a latino MTV station called MTV Tres. Not for nothing, but I've got like 400 MTV channels already. There's MTV, there's MTV2, MTV Hits, etc. They don't need another. I also have at least 5 or 6 Spanish channels. I enjoy a good novella or ghetto Spanish language talk show as much as the next person, but enough is enough. MTV needs no Spanish channel.
Nick Lachey arrived on the Red Carpet looking like he just rolled out of bed and decided to stop by the VMAs. It appeared that he threw a black blazer on over a t-shirt. Not a decent looking t-shirt mind you, but a t-shirt straight out of the Haynes 3 pack. He was much more put together when he was a married man.
Paris Hilton arrived with her sister Nicky and her dress was not cute. It was a big pouffy white number. It was kind of Bjork-ish. I've seen Paris better dressed while the paparazzi snapped photos of her out shopping or at the grocery store. The camera didn't show Nicky enough for me to see what she was wearing, but if nothing else, it had to be better than what her sister wore. When Paris was interviewed on the red carpet she was congratulated on the success of her new CD, which in its first week sold a whopping 75,000 copies. With all the promotion that album got, that is not a success and Paris needs to stick to her day job, whatever the hell that might be.
Christina Aguilera arrived and she looked really nice. She is still rocking that old Hollywood glam look, which I've been over since Gwen Stefani stopped rockin' it 3 years ago, but she looked nice. Her dress was really nice too. A shiny Versace number.
50 and LL showed up on the red carpet and were talking to Kurt Loder. From what I understand 50 and LL are doing an album together. I believe it is going to be LL's last Def Jam album, but he needs to do everyone a favor and make it his last album period. His last 5 albums had no business being made, let alone another one. 50 was really subdued. Like on Prozac subdued. No entertaining insults were thrown, he said nothing entertaining or extremely ignorant. I was kind of disappointed. He's usually good for a laugh.
LL on the other hand was hyper and talking like a 16-year-old. Way too much slang. LL also had on a hoodie that is probably from his Todd Smith clothing line. It said Todd Smith across the front in crystals and it was just way too shiny and busy. There were crystals everywhere. It's like Kimora Simmons or Tina Knowles designed it. He was just a ghetto mess. I don't know how his children take him seriously when he goes out in public, on television no less, and acts like he's locked in his 19-year-old self. Tacky, tacky, tacky.
I also think LL took some shots at Jay-Z as president of Def Jam. I could be making something out of nothing, but I know what I heard. When LL was asked why his next album would be his last album on the label he said because of the staff, promotion, and that the music they were putting out sucked. He may not have used my words, but that is basically what he said. He also pointed to 50 and said that he wanted to work with people that had his best interest at heart.
LL is deluded beyond anything I can comprehend. The reason he's failed is not the fault of Def Jam. While Jay and Def Jam aren't really holding it down for hip-hop, LL's issues are his own and not to be blamed on the label. He sucks and I'm sure they won't miss him and the 35 albums he sells each time out. As for 50 Cent having LL's best interest at heart, that is laughable. If anyone LL knew had his best interest at heart they'd have told him to retire in the late 90's. One day he'll realize that his hip-hop career ended long ago.
The cameras showed J-Lo and her husband Mark Anthony arrive. Apparently she's no longer popular enough to get any red carpet time, but she had on a really nice dress and some boots. What was not so nice was the matching hat/scarf/thing that she wore along with it. It was the same material as the dress and covered her entire head and it looked awful. She looked like someone who is undergoing chemo.
J-Lo has not been dying her hair and homegirl has serious grey roots like she's 60, so I'm thinking that may be the reason for the head gear. The rumor has been that she's pregnant and that is why she isn't coloring her hair. She could very well be, but she doesn't look pregnant at all. Mark Anthony looks like a skeleton.
My Chemical Romance, whose performance MTV amped up all night, finally performed their new single, "The Black Parade". While it wasn't a bad performance, MTV set me up for a serious let down. I'm not a fan of the band, but I was expecting something amazing. They talked about this upcoming performance all the way up until it happened and it was pretty anti-climatic.
Beyonce arrived in a dress that looked like something her mother made. The dress was cute and sparkly at the top. The rest was pretty plain. I am happy to see that Mama Tina knew when to put that damn Bedazzler down. I also think Beyonce no longer uses her mom for hair and make up. Her hair and make up have been on point over the last few months and is in no way the work of Tina Knowles. Overall Beyonce looked really nice, I couldn't complain about the weave, the make up or the outfit. Bey looks like she's getting her old hips back, but her waist is still pretty tiny.
When they asked which performance she was looking forward to, she said she loved Shakira and wanted to see that. It's fitting that Beyonce loves her. Shakira is like a South American Beyonce. Huge honey blonde hair, loud singing, and a lot of aimless writhing around the stage. It's like they're twins. They should do a song together. That would be interesting.
Diddy arrived on the red carpet with Jackie Long who is an actor and also the best friend of tennis star Serena Williams. There was another guy with him, but I didn't catch his name. Anyway Jackie told John Norris that he was Diddy's spokesperson for the evening and not to ask Diddy any questions directly. John continued to ask Diddy questions and Jackie answered each time. Jackie actually broke it down to John like "I told you don't talk to him, talk to me". It was really not cool and kind of gay. Jackie Long needs to get a life, if being Diddy's mouth piece is what he's been reduced to being. He seemed happy with it, so whatever helps him sleep at night.
Overall the pre-show was okay. I wasn't really bored, but I wasn't awed either. They only had 2 performances, which was pretty cheesy. I'm used to seeing a ton of people perform pre-show. MTV needs to step up their game.
The VMAs
The show opened with Jay-Z standing at the top of Rockefeller Center or something, welcoming the VMAs back to NYC. So of course, I see this and I expect to see Beyonce drop from the sky and start performing. That was not to be. The show opened with Justin Timberlake onstage, wearing a suit and pop-locking. Then some female dancers came out and he sang a little bit of some song. The dancers ran off stage, the "Sexy Back" music came on, Timbaland came out and they performed that song. Timbaland was wearing a pin striped suit, which is a different look from him than we're used to seeing.The performance mainly consisted of JT and Timbaland two-stepping and yelling about "get your sexy on". Timbaland looked like an elephant clomping around on that stage. I wouldn't recommend that he do that again in the future. That performance wasn't good enough to open a door, let alone an awards show.
Jack Black came out and I was not entertained. I was expecting big things from him. I gave him credit for having maybe a slow start, but he was pretty pathetic all night long. While he didn't really annoy me, he didn't entertain me either. I pretty much ignored him, hard as that was, with him wearing that shiny gold lame' suit for the entire show. I'm thinking MTV needs to hold open auditions for their next VMA host. They can't come up with any worse than what they've been producing over the last few years. I enjoyed Jimmy Fallon when he hosted, but a repeat performance will probably suck, i.e. Chris Rock. MTV really needs to consider the open call audition for a host. Have a contest like that "Who Wants to be a VJ" thing they used to do.
Lil Kim came out in an orange prison jumpsuit. She had her arms held by her back by two guys dressed as correction officers. She took off the jumpsuit and had an outfit on underneath. The outfit was not better than the prison jumpsuit. It was just all wrong. She has gained a lot of weight and I think it actually makes her face look much better. She should think about keeping it on. I always notice this about Lil Kim, her fingers are freakishly small, like her entire hand does not fit around the microphone, they are so small.
That is irrelevant, but it always cracks me up, so I thought I'd share that so if you haven't noticed you can be on the look out for it the next time you see her.
The audience was not all that receptive to seeing her since her prison release. No one looked more displeased than Diddy. Don't know what the deal is with those two... She presented the award for Best Male video, which James Blunt won for his song "Beautiful". I love James, love that song, so I was happy with him winning.
Andre 3000 and Ciara presented the award for something that was won by The Black Eyed Peas for "My Humps". That is the worst song I've heard in a long time, so I was disappointed at them winning anything for such foolishness.
That song should also not be considered rap. Kanye West looked just as disappointed as I did that that song won. I'm sure he felt that he should have won the award and I'm not disagreeing with him. Anything other than "My Humps" should have won. Andre 3000 was dressed really conservatively for Andre 3000. He did have on some knee boots, but that's mild compared to what he is usually wearing. Ciara looked cute. She had on a black and white dress that I didn't much care for. Her make up was nice and her weave is now black. I think the black hair looks good on her.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson introduced Wyclef and Shakira. They performed their hit "Hips Don't Lie". Shakira was dressed as a traditional belly dancer and she had a background of a number of Indian women dressed similarly and they danced around behind her and Wyclef. It looked like something out of a low budget Bollywood movie. It was cute. I enjoyed it.
During the pre-show Wyclef talked this performance up like it was going to be the performance of the decade, which it most certainly was not. I've seen Shakira perform with a lot more energy in the past. I never noticed that Shakira was like 2 inches shy of being a midget. She is really short.
As if being forced to listen to LL Cool J and 50 during the Pre-Show wasn't enough, the new hip-hop couple came out to present an award for Best Female Video or something similar. They bantered nonsensically, some of which had to be scripted, most of which I'm sure wasn't. LL actually shouted out each of the 5 boroughs in NYC. He also said, "Me and 50 is from Queens. Q-Borough keep it thorough". I haven't heard anyone say that since like 1997.
Seriously. LL is as big a joke as there is in hip-hop and that's pretty hard to be, considering that hip-hop is dying slowly. Kelly Clarkson won the award, for her song "Because of You". While I like Kelly and that song, the video was trash.
Now, I must take a moment to rant. I remember when the VMAs actually awarded artists based on video content and not popularity. That has not been the case over the last few years. If you're popular enough you could actually be standing still in front of a black wall doing absolutely nothing in your video and win a VMA. They need to get back to what the show really is about or take the word video out of its title. I felt that had this been a few years ago, Panic at the Disco would have won every award they were nominated for as their video is eye catching and creative among other things.
The only awards I see given for the actual video are the awards for best cinematography, special effects, and directions. James Blunt, Missy Elliott, and Gnarls Barkley won for the three aforementioned categories and those wins were well warranted. Most other winners on this show could not have won for their crappy videos. I'm moving on now.
Lil Jon came out to introduce Ludacris and Pharrell. They performed that song they have together. I think the song is called "Showstopper". The performance was okay. Just them on the stage surrounded by scantily clad dancers, one of which I am almost positive fell down while dancing/skipping onstage. Then the Pussy Cat Dolls came out for reasons unknown and did absolutely nothing. They were pretty useless.
Jessica Simpson came out looking like a video girl from 1986. She had on this tight, short, cheap black dress. She looked like she was pretty uncomfortable in the dress, as she should have been, because one false move and the world would have seen all her goodies. Had that happened MTV would have probably banned her, ala Janet Jackson. All was not lost on her appearance, her hair looked really good in an above the shoulder length bob.
She presented an award that the Pussy Cat Dolls won. They thanked Snoop at the end of their thank you's and he gave them a real "bitch please look".
Without saying much, Snoop provided me with much comic relief.
Chris Brown introduced a group that came out and performed on treadmills. I did not catch the name of the group and didn't care enough to rewind, but I thought the performance was really cool and different than what anyone is doing right now. I found it refreshing. It was well choreographed and I was entertained. I would have been more entertained if someone had actually fallen off the treadmill, but I'm glad the performance went off without a hitch.
The All American Rejects performed. I thought the performance was good, but MTV makes a little too much of them. I don't see anything so great about them, though I do like their music.
Nick Lachey and a scarily thin Nicole Richie came out to present the award for best pop video. Nicole had a huge necklace covering her chest, undoubtedly to hide fact that you can see her entire breast bone. She looks near death. Rumor has it that she's down to 85 lbs and that looks about right. She looks horrible. If anyone loved her they'd force her into some type of rehab.
But anyway, Pink won the award for her song "Stupid Girls". Her hair is platinum blond in the front and it was curled nicely and it is shaved off in the back. I think it is very cool, though most would probably disagree. I love Pink, she does anything she wants and doesn't really give a damn about what anyone things or says. She's like the white version of Kelis, who I also love. I thought it was funny that Nicole presented the award to Pink for a video in which she spoofed Nicole's eating disorder.
Snoop came out with a cup of gin and juice in his hand. At this time the camera panned the audience and showed Jay-Z who was seated with Nas and Kelis to his left. Beyonce and a black haired Solange sat to his right. It was too cute, the two couples sitting together. Chamillionaire won the award for Best Rap Video. He and the audience looked equally surprised by his win.
While Chamillionaire was giving his acceptance speech, Snoop stood directly behind him sipping his gin and juice. I found that to be hilarious.
Now it was time for Beyonce's performance. I was a bit leery of her. Lately the things she's been putting out have been trash, for lack of a better word. Not to mention that wild and unchoreographed debacle she called a performance at the BET Awards a few months back. She descended from the ceiling in a trench coat, which was very nice, covering a black latex outfit of some sort, with black thigh high latex boots. She looked like a dominatrix. I am a little sick of Beyonce dropping from the ceiling for all her MTV performances. That is no longer interesting. She needs to move on.
When she was swinging from the wire, I thought of Angelina Jolie in a scene from "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." She performed "Ring the Alarm". While I hate that song, I thought the performance was pretty good. It would have been a better show opener than that Timberlake mess. She lip synced during most of the performance, but I'm sure that was because of all the dancing. I feel like lately Beyonce has been stealing the styles of a million people. Her screaming over the track is so Kelis-like and not at all Beyonce, but that's just what I get from the whole thing. There was a lot going on onstage. The performance was entertaining to me. Then she broke it down and straight up did an entire choreography number from Janet Jackson's "Rhythm Nation" video. She did so shamelessly, as though the entire world is too young to remember "Rhythm Nation". Well I'm not and I know it when I see it. Beyonce needs to come better or sit down somewhere. I've been severely underwhelmed by her lately. It's like she or her camp have run out of ideas so they're just jackin' other people left and right.
All in all I thought it was a good performance. It's better than she's done in a while, but not close to one of her best performances, but she's Beyonce, so she can do whatever she wants. Until her fans get completely fed up and stop buying her music. Here are pictures from the performance.
Diddy came out to introduce T.I.'s performance, which could only be done after he congratulated his group Danity Kane for having the #1 album in the country this week. He is always so extra. T.I. and Young Dro performed "What You Know About That" or something along those lines. It was okay, if you liked the song. They pretty much did the rapper thing and stood there or walked back and forth. Nothing extra.
Is Young the new Lil'? Every rapper these days is Young something or other. Where oh where has originality gone? Not just that, but many of these "young" rappers look old as hell.
Rihanna and Neyo came out and did something. They both looked nice. Rihanna's forehead is huge and she should always wear a bang.
Fall Out Boy introduced Panic at the Disco. Panic performed their hit song "I Write Sins Not Tragedies". I am a huge fan of this group. Their performance was good and it pretty much mirrored the video. Lots of people, lots of costumes. I'd actually been waiting for them to perform. It wasn't anything spectacular though, but I liked it.
Britney Spears and her husband Kevin Federline spoofed their dysfunctional relationship and bad parenting. It would have been funny were their relationship not so dysfunctional and if they didn't completely suck as parents. It was pretty crass, in my opinion.
At some point Beyonce and Slim Thug won an award for "Check On It". Beyonce seemed completely stunned that they won and before she could even think about getting up out of her seat, Slim Thug was on his way walking by her seat to go collect her and the goods. It was funny. You'd have thought he was getting an Oscar or even a Grammy the way he was power walking to the stage. At some point he must have slowed his roll and let her walk in front of him because she ended up getting there slightly ahead of him.
Their acceptance speech was the most bizarre thing I've heard in a while. Neither of them had anything to say. Her, I could understand, because she was surprised and she probably needs to memorize impromptu speeches. He was running up there like he was going to thank everyone and their mama for the award and had nothing to say when he finally got up there.
Kanye West came out to present the Video Vanguard award, which was being given to Hype Williams. Kanye was as long winded as ever. He probably wanted to talk for as long as he could, considering he didn't get to give any acceptance speeches, because he won absolutely nothing.
We were then treated to a montage of Hype Williams video clips. You almost forget how important Hype is to hip-hop and how many videos he has directed over the years. Then Busta came out with a million dancers and reprised his "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See" video. He did a good job, as usual. You can always count on a Busta performance for entertainment value. Of course he had his left hand man Spliff Star on stage doing his sad little hype man routine. Seriously, what is his purpose? I wonder how much it pays to be Busta's personal lackey? The salary must be pretty good, because Spliff has been around forever and doesn't seem to be going anywhere any time soon.
Then to add to the moment Missy Elliott comes out and does a recreation of her "I Can't Stand the Rain" video, complete with the fingerwaves and that big garbage bag contraption she wore in the original video. I must say, this was a very good idea. Missy is another creative performer. This to me, was the most interesting part of this show.
Then Hype comes out, looking very grown up in a black suit and a pair of glasses. He gave his acceptance speech and that was it. I was sad to see it end.
Comedian Sarah Silverman came out and made fun of Paris' weight. Sarah Silverman is usually funny, but I was not amused. She called her fat because she couldn't see the bones in her back and told her she was supposed to be Paris Hilton, not Paris, France. With all the weight issues these insecure industry chicks have, even jokingly that's not funny.
Christina Aguilera performed. She wore a really nice red gown. She was accompanied by an orchestra , featuring singer/songwriter/producer Linda Perry on the piano. I believe the song is called "Hurt". I don't know how Christina's peers can listen to her perform and still think they can sing. Her voice shits on everyone elses. Hands down. She was a little pitchy during parts of her performance, but even pitchy I'd rather listen to Christina than most others.
I kind of lost interest after Christina performed. But I did see Queen Latifah come out. Not out of the closet, but out onto the stage. She looked nice. She also looked slimmer than usual. She came out and spoke about global warming and then introduced Al Gore. Al Gore came out and continued talking about global warming. He showed pictures of huge glaciers in different parts of the world and then showed how they've completely melted. Global warming is serious people. Even Antarctica is melting. He talked about the effects of global warming and climate change, stronger storms, and pollution.
This was different and quite frankly out of place for the VMA's, but when else is Al Gore going to capture the attention of millions of teens and other young people to address the seriousness of this issue? I am always discussing and researching global warming and its effects and believe that people need to take it more seriously. This planet is slowly dying and we are continuing to kill it. Too many people are unaware of what is really going on on this planet and how we are negatively effecting it. All of the most recent natural disasters are pretty much due to the global warming and people need to be aware. So while this may not have been the time or the place for Al Gore's environmental lesson, I wasn't mad at him.
J.Lo presented the award for Video of the Year. Panic at the Disco won. They were nominated for 7 awards and from what I could tell this was the only one that they won. I was seriously going to start writing MTV letters about them not winning any awards. I was actually going to get my friend to do it, but MTV was about to start getting letters, one way or the other. Anyway, before Panic at the Disco could begin their acceptance speech a man ran up on stage and grabbed the mic and complained that MTV has never given him a show. I think his name was Six and he shouted out Philly and rapper Remy Ma, so I'm assuming he must have been one of her "people".
I have no idea if it was staged or not, but it was nothing like some impromptu stage bandits of the past like ODB at the Grammys or the infamous Soy Bomb. It seemed more staged than spontaneous, but I can't verify whether it was or not.
Anything that happened after this is a mystery. Possibly nothing did, because the show ended shortly after this.
Overall, I thought the show was better than last year. Jack Black sucked, but I wasn't as put off by him as I was with last year's host, who will not be named. No one performance really blew me away, but I was content. I've seen better and hope for better in the future, but I thought the awards were okay. I didn't want to poke my eyes out, I didn't fall asleep from boredom, and I wasn't really disgusted by anything or anyone. I didn't think the show was bad, but it was far from good. At best it was mediocre. My expectations of this show were so low, it would have been hard for MTV to actually disappoint me. I felt that it was better than the other awards shows I've seen this year, which may be why I was not as put off as I should have been by this show.
I thought it was a step in the right direction for MTV. I'll be looking for further progress next year, although I am not expecting any.
- reported by Keshawnta J.