August 30, 2005
The 2005 VMA Recap
VMA Pre-Show By the Shore
I was patiently anticipating this year's MTV Video Music Awards and the pre-show. I rushed around all day and made sure I was in front of my TV at showtime, 6 pm EST. Well, I could have taken a bit more time doing the things I needed to do, because the pre-show was a waste of my time.
Being that Diddy was hosting I was expecting something different, anything can happen, I got that. Instead of a red carpet to greet the celebrities, there was a white carpet. The guests were also arriving via yacht and car, which was cool, but stupid.
The first person I saw was Mr. Entertainment himself - Usher. He arrived, wearing a powder blue suit, with a yellow shirt. I may have been in the minority, but I didn't like it. His whole look reminded me of the professor from "Gilligan's Island." Then Game, who I love, rode up in a low rider. I believe he said it was a 75 Caprice. It had the dark red candy paint and it looked nice. I also thought Game looked very nice. He had on a white suit, with a red bandana tie, which he could have done without, and a red baseball cap. The suit was about 3 sizes too big, but I liked it anyway. Game didn't say anything out of the way and he was on his best behavior. That butterfly tattoo on his face needs to be removed like yesterday, regardless of what sentimental value he claims it holds, it looks a hot damn mess.
The most interesting arrival of the night had to be Omarion. I didn't see him get out of a nice yacht or a hot car, he just came walking up in a brown aviator style leather jacket. You guys have seen it before, I think he wears it everyday. He was dead serious. In Miami, in August, in a leather coat. He looked like a damned fool and he is a loser for that. Apparently the heat and humidity began to get to him while he was being interviewed and he kind of shrugged the jacket off his shoulders, which made him look even worse than when he was just wearing it.
Green Day pulled up in an old school car, that was not painted, just primed in a dark green shade. Very typical Green Day. Then I was pissed because MTV decided to show exclusive footage of Green Day's soon-to-be-released performance DVD. Whatever. I love Green Day, but I do not watch the VMA pre-show for exclusive footage of any damn videos. I want exclusive footage of my favorite and not so favorite artists on the white carpet.
At this point, nothing really interesting had happened and I was getting a bit skeptical about this show. Well, the next thing I see is Kim Porter, Puffy's baby mama, with a microphone. It is at this point that I know I've been set up. Who the hell ever lets Kim Porter speak? And why would she even have her own microphone? Kim was wearing a very revealing red dress, which I loved. It was tasteful and the color complemented her complexion. She looked very nice. Too much weave, but that's nothing new. She was co-hosting the $100,000 Fashion Challenge, along with fashion designer, Zac Posen. The $100,000 fashion challenge was a contest for the best dressed person on the white carpet, male and female. Each winner would win $50,000 to be given to the charity of their choice.
When Kim began talking about this fashion challenge, I realized that I had never heard her speak before, she has a southern accent. I have no idea why tonight of all nights someone gave this woman a mic and a stage. So I'm watching this and in the background they show the arrival of a woman who, from a distance, appeared to be Beyonce Knowles. Cameras were flashing, she was smiling and she was wearing this yellow and green monstrosity of a dress. I was curious as to why no one on the MTV payroll had run up to B immediately and grabbed her for an on camera interview.
Upon closer inspection, I realized that it was not Beyonce, but Miami rapper Trina masquerading as Beyonce. Now that may not have been Trina's intention, but between the blonde lace wig and that big, silly dress that looked like it could have only been a Tina Knowles original, what was I to think? I can only surmise that the photographers snapping all those pictures of her thought she was Beyonce too, otherwise, I doubt there would have been so many flashbulbs going off.
Rock group My Chemical Romance, arrived in a locked armored car, when asked why that was their vehicle of choice, one of the members said it was because they "wanted to be protected from east coast/west coast beef." I had no idea Game vs. 50 was looked at as east coast/west coast beef.
Producer/rapper Lil Jon arrived in a yacht and I must say he looked very nice. He was wearing a dark pinstriped Tommy Hilfiger suit, with a shirt that was either light green or light yellow. Now the shirt didn't go with the suit and he topped it all off with brown shoes and a brown belt. He looked like he got dressed in the dark, but he looked clean and very nice nonetheless.
Now a lot of time had passed up to this point and there had yet to be a single performance. What the hell kind of pre-show was this? Well just when I thought there would be no performances, Mike Jones, Slim Thug, and Paul Wall came out to perform "Back Then" and "Still Tippin." It was an okay performance, nothing stellar. Slim Thug is really tall. Mike Jones and Paul Wall looked like young children standing beside him. I mean, neither of them reached his shoulder. I must admit, I am a reluctant fan of those Houston boys. I like those songs and I love Paul Wall, the people's champ.
Cocky West, oops, I mean Kanye West arrived with John Legend in tow. He arrived wearing grey pants, an eggplant colored shirt, and a white blazer. He and others thought the outfit was hot. I did too. I thought it was a hot ass mess. It did not look good to me, none of those colors went well together and the pants and shirt were a bit too out of season to be paired with the summer blazer, in my opinion.
Alicia Keys arrived. She looked nice, but plain. Her dress wasn't anything to get into describing, but it was taupe colored. Her hair was cornrowed on both sides and then swept up into some type of ponytail. It's good to see her style and demeanor evolve so much over the last couple of years. Rapper Common arrived and I loved his look. Common has a tendency to dress as though he is a homeless man, which may be why I was so in love with his outfit. He was wearing brown pants, a light brown shirt, a plaid Dolce & Gabbana tweed vest, with, like, some plaid design and a magenta tie. He was also wearing a brown cap.
Former ring leader of what was being touted as the Latin explosion, Ricky Martin arrived on a yacht. He was well tanned and it looks like his time away from the public eye has been good to him. Even still, I did not need to see Ricky Martin. Then they showed an exclusive preview of his new video featuring Fat Joe and Amerie. Ricky said that he worked with a number of people on this album including Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas, Scott Storch, and Reggaeton artist Daddy Yankee. It seems that Ricky is aiming for a different crowd this go round, but I doubt anyone cares.
Bow Wow arrived with his boo Ciara, which will hopefully squelch the rumors that they have broken up and she is now dating one of her security guys. Ciara wore a dress that was very short in the front, a bit longer in the back. It looked very 1970's, and I thought she looked cute. She screwed it up with some copper colored wedge heeled boots. Bow Wow complained that he told her to wear "flat top" shoes, but she didn't. She was like a foot taller than him in the heels. He was wearing some red mess that looked like he had just finished playing basketball, with his hair in a ponytail. He and Ciara look like apples and oranges. She just looks and acts so much more mature than little ass Bow Weezy.
Diddy's sons arrived wearing white suits, looking like young gentleman. Quincy is actually the son of Kim Porter and singer Al B. Sure; he looks just like Al B. Sure, right down to his signature unibrow. Justin still looks a lot like his mother, Misa, and the youngest Christian, looks exactly like Puffy.
Finally, another performance. It was Roc-A-Fella/Def Jam artist Rhianna performing "Pon De Replay". She was cute. She and her dancers came out wearing traditional Bajan carnivale gear, representing her native Barbados. She sounded good. It was cute, not the livest performance I've ever seen, but I enjoyed it. She did plug her forthcoming album, "Music of the Sun", which is available as of August 30.
Snoop arrived in his Purple and Gold Laker car, appropriately named Magic. The car has the signatures of Magic, Kobe, Shaq, and other past and present Lakers. It's a little over the top, but I am not mad at anyone with Magic's signature on their car. Snoop arrived wearing a white suit with blue lapels. The labels looked like a blue bandana. I thought he looked horrific, but again, I believe I was in the minority as Snoop was the eventual winner of the fashion challenge.
Gwen Stefani was the other winner of the fashion challenge and she arrived in a leopard halter dress. It wasn't spectacular or stunning, I've seen Gwen look better, but again, who am I?
Ludacris arrived driving a car with a Louis Vuitton logo on the grill. The interior had the LV monogram all over it. It was so, so, very tacky. I thought Luda looked really nice. He was wearing some white pants, a blue button down shirt and a white hat. He had little ass Bobby Valentine, or whatever his name is, with him, looking like a little gnome in a t-shirt with rhinestones or something on it.
Jay-Z arrived with Young Jeezy, who Kurt Loder erroneously referred to as Lil Jeezy. I thought that was funny. Jay looked grown up. He had on black suit with white pin stripes. Jeezy looked like the typical rapper.
Rock group Fall Out Boy closed the pre-show with a performance. Did you guys count this? Three performances over a two hour period. I felt ripped off for something I paid no money for. That is two hours of my life that I will never get back. MTV owes me big. 50 arrived in a tan suit, blue shirt, and brown shoes. I thought he looked very nice. Mase was with 50. Mase had on a yellow suit, with a yellow shirt, and some white uptowns. The yellow was too much. Mase didn't look bad, but he looked like the chickenhead that he is. Mase announced that he is now officially a member of G-Unit and he shouted Diddy out for making it happen.
Destiny's Child arrived fashionably late and they looked a mess. Beyonce had on long silver, sparkly dress that resembled a Diddy suit from the mid 1990's. Kelly and Michelle were wearing yellow and blue dresses. None of the dresses were really ugly, but they weren't really cute either. Their make up was nice and their hair was typical. Kelly's hair was decent, but only Kelly.
At some point Lil Kim arrived in a 2005 Phantom. Her dress was nice. She looks like she put on some weight. Her face isn't as bad as before, but still, that plastic surgery has got to go. She said that all her fans can write her while she's incarcerated and she was extremely gracious to the fans for supporting her through everything.
Overall, this pre-show was a disaster. Maybe some of you guys liked it, but I almost fell alseep at least 4 times over the two hour stretch. When it ended I was relieved. I figured the bright side of that debacle is that the evening couldn't get any worse....or could it??????
The VMAsGreen Day opened the show with a performance of "Boulevard of Broken Dreams". That was cool, but I was looking for a more explosive opening. My bad. Then Diddy comes out and there's water and pyro everywhere. Then he just stands there like the wizard of odd, pointing around the stage and pyro starts coming out of the floor. It was all very stupid. Then some male and female dancers came out and Diddy started dancing with them. It was some true cornball shit. I definitely expected Diddy to make a much grander entrance.
Nelly presented an award with Lindsay Lohan. I don't think she's a cute girl at all. Nelly looks to have been working out like crazy in his spare time. His arms looked really good. They presented Best Male and Female Video. Kanye West won for "Jesus Walks" and Kelly Clarkson won for "Since You've Been Gone". Thank God Kanye won, because no one wanted to put up with any of his temper tantrums.
As usual he couldn't just be a gracious winner. He took to the stage talking about how he paid for that second "Jesus Walks" video out of his own pocket. He then thanks Jay-Z and added "no disrespect" to Jay for good measure. Uh, yeah. If you're on a podium accepting an award before a live audience and you have to say no disrespect to your boss, you've obviously said something wrong. He's such an asshole.
Beavis and Butthead were re-introduced to the MTV crowd and they had little mini clips of them between awards, clamoring to be voted back onto MTV. It could have been omitted. I think the MTV of today, has no use for Beavis or Butthead.
Ciara and Missy introduced Ludacris' performance. Missy looked bad, as usual, and her hair was a mess too. She needs a new stylist or something. During the introduction, Ciara stumbled over her words repeatedly. I don't know if it was nerves or if she needs to get hooked on phonics or what. Luda had Bobby Valentine out there with him and they performed "Pimpin' All Over the World." Bobby Valentino put on a better outfit for the performance, but what he should have done was put on a better voice. He cannot sing. Not once have I heard him sound half way decent during a live performance.
Luda's performance was live. He brought out dancers and musicians from various countries and also had audience members waving flags representing different countries. It was a cool performance.
Then Diddy came back wearing a different outfit. He gave this tired soliloquy about how he's a gentleman and he does everything with class and sophistication. He said the theme of the evening was, "anything can happen". He promised a crazy night and then gave the Jacob watch off of his wrist to a man in the audience. A few more presentations occurred and then Diddy comes back again. He began dancing and then Omarion runs out and it looks as though they're going to have a dance off, but you can't really tell. I wasn't the only one who was confused by this nonsense, as the camera panned to Kelly of Beyonce fame, she could be seen looking bewildered and saying, "What are they doing?" Those were my sentiments exactly.
Before they did any battling Puffy cut it short and introduced M.C. Hammer, who came out with dancers and performed "Can't Touch This". Talk about a shameful disaster. I truly think that Puffy may go down as the worst host in VMA history. Worse than Marlon and Shawn Wayans.
Okay, Jessica and Ashlee Simpson presented an award together. Before I get all into it, it's been reported that Jessica Simpson has picked up a Hollywood appropriate coke habit. I have no idea if that's true, but I believe it. She seemed high last night. She was wearing the worst outfit I've ever seen her in and she is usually very stylish. She looked more like Daisy Duke than Jessica Simpson. She just seemed really off and not just her usual, "I'm an airhead" act. Like glazed over eyes and she looked like she may not have sleep for a week. They presented Best R&B Video and Alicia Keys won for "Karma". I liked that video, so I thought it was a good choice.
Shakira performed, but her voice annoys me and I am not interested in seeing chicks belly dancing and running around the stage aimlessly. I could have done without that.
R. Kelly came out and was said to be performing all the chapters of "Trapped in the Closet" with an added chapter. He did no such thing. He performed some part of the original five, which I don't know, but it's the one that ends with a man picking up his home phone. The stage was set as the bedroom where he was trapped in the closet and he began a new chapter about the gay lovers and the lady Kathy, who was his jump off in the first chapter. It was stupid and ended with the husband choosing his wife over his gay lover.
I was underwhelmed and really pissed off by the fact that he had the nerve to lip sync the entire thing. For all that, he could've just stayed home.
At some point during the show Diddy tried to be a comedian and explain the name changes, with accompanying pictures. It was not funny. It was dull.
Ludacris won Best Rap Video for "#1 Spot," which I feel was well deserved. Luda's videos are always creative and different and I felt, as did he, that it was about damn time MTV acknowledged that with a moon man.
Then out of nowhere Diddy had all the lights go off and began conducting an orchestra. Then Biggie Smalls' "Juicy" video appeared on the monitor. After that the "Warning" video began playing. All the while the orchestra is playing and I thought it blended well with Biggie, but where the hell did that come from? Then Snoop came out and did a few bars of a verse on "Warning", which I thought was kind of cool considering the history there. But again, where the hell is all this coming from? I love Biggie as much as the next person. He was great. At the same time, he's been dead for what, 8 years? He only released 2 albums while he was alive. No one should just be doing random Biggie tributes at awards shows. I'm sorry. That was just out of place to me.
Fat Joe took the stage to present Best Hip-Hop Video. Missy won, but before Fat Joe left the stage, he took a moment to dis 50 Cent by saying, "I feel safe with all this police protection courtesy of G-Unit." I felt that was a bit out of place. There hadn't been any problems all night and here comes Joe, with a soft dis. I mean if he was gonna do it, could he have not come a little harder than that? Yet and still, he needs to approach 50 on his own time, not in the middle of an awards show.
Okay, Puffy's little boy group B5 came out to introduce some presenters, which was Puffy having way too much control over this show. B5 are the strangest looking little kids I've ever seen and they can't sing at all. They claim to be brothers, but last night I got a good look at one of them and I don't believe he's a distant cousin, let alone the brother of the rest of those boys. But I digress.
Alicia Keys and John Legend introduced Kanye and Jamie Foxx's performance. They did "Gold Digger." Jamie sang at the very beginning and then just ran around the stage, yelling, playing the role of Kanye's back up rapper. I think Jamie is doing way too much with himself. Over the course of the night, he managed to rack up more camera time than even Diddy. I can easily see why he and Kanye gel the way they do.
Eva Longoria came out and presented something in a bathing suit. She didn't look bad, but very inappropriate, but given Eva's reputation, not at all surprising.
Mariah Carey performed at the National Hotel in South Beach, out by the pool. Jermaine Dupri was there and she began with "Shake It Off" and then went into the remix of "We Belong Together" complete with Lox members Jada and Styles. The performance wasn't too great and Mariah's voice wasn't that strong either. She wore this elaborate ass bathing suit that looked more like a tacky evening gown and ended her performance by getting into the pool. She is a grown ass woman and her "Little Mermaid" act is getting tired. First she wanted to be a butterfly, now a mermaid. That is not normal.
Lil Jon came out to present with Paulina Rubio, when he put his arm around her she knocked it away quickly and rudely. I don't much blame her, but she could have been discrete about it.
G-Unit performed. It could have been last, but I think after that is when I fell asleep. 50 came out by himself, then Mobb Deep came out. Havoc and Prodigy looked crazy as hell, wearing leather outfits with their names on them. Then Yayo came out and he was wearing a t-shirt proclaiming that his album was in stores. Just when I thought Lloyd Banks, Olivia and the minister were going to jump out onstage and join their G-Unit family, Yayo and 50 started screaming things like "Fuck, Fat Joe!" and "Fat Joe is pussy!" It was just as childish and inappropriate as Joe's outburst.
-----------*Chris - lil update* Miss Info was on HOT 97 last night with some news about the Fat Joe-50 incident. Long story short: 50 and his people were yelling at Fat Joe from the floor when he was doing the Reggaeton thing. Which would give some reason for his comment about 50 having police protection. As if, "I'd bust your ass if I could get to you." Not that he was a snitch, as she suggested. Ultimately, MTV was pissed that Fat Joe said some slick sh*t, he was thrown out when he went backstage. Here's the clip: Realaudio - Windows Media *end update
One day these stagnated ass men in hip-hop will learn that someone has to be the adult in situations like these.
All in all, I was beyond disappointed with this show and almost fell asleep many times. I kept watching it, waiting for the good part that never came. I was pissed. I could have been watching something entertaining. I don't know how anyone else felt about this show, but I hated it. I was extremely bored during the entire affair from pre-show all the way through the awards. MTV is going to need to step their game up.
- reported by Keshawnta J.